Pain
by The War Inside my Head
Summary: TK gets raped and has to keep it from his family and friends. Suckish summary I know. Rated M for male rape and language. ON HIATUS


**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, I only own Tala, Yumi, and Noname. Mikaiah belongs to Digidestined Ninja of Sunshine.**

**Chapter 1: Pain, Without Love**

'_I'm worried can you go check on him.' _That was all his ex-wife said to him. Sure he was worried about TK too, but could the woman not spare a moment to check on him. Hiroaki sighed as he walked up the final flight of stairs. He tested the knob of the door and was shocked, and rather annoyed, to find it unlocked. TK never, ever forgot to lock the doors. Mainly because he was excessively paranoid.

He bit his lip as he entered the apartment. He was greeted by darkness and silence. Hiroaki's eyes narrowed in concern. He slowly made his back to TK's bedroom. His youngest son was curled up in a tight ball. He could clearly see the tears falling down his face. All irritation and annoyance left him and his first priority was his son's wellbeing. "Takeru!" Hiroaki exclaimed.

TK's eyes slowly lifted to his father's. The moment his son's eyes met his Hiroaki felt sick to his stomach. The lack of emotion and energy that was usually in his youngest son's eyes was missing. "Takeru?" Hiroaki sighed softly. He carefully got down next to TK's side. TK's tears become more obvious as his arms were thrown around his father. Hiroaki didn't hesitate to return the embrace. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." TK mumbled. _Gee TK you expect me to believe that._ The two sat in the silence. Hiroaki waited patiently for TK to speak. "I'm sorry." _Huh, what's he sorry for?_

"What for?" Hiroaki asked tightening his grip slightly.

"I can't tell you." TK mumbled. Hiroaki sighed and let go of TK. TK looked up at him with confused and almost hurt eyes.

"I'm going to call Matt." Hiroaki sighed pulling his phone out. TK's eyes went wide.

"No, please!" TK pleaded. Hiroaki bent down in front of TK. He pushed hair from TK's eyes and smiled.

"Come on TK, he's been worried sick about you." Hiroaki said softly. TK sniffled and nodded.

_I don't want Matt to know. I don't want anyone to know. _TK thought wiping his tears. "Matt wants to talk to you." Hiroaki said softly. TK took the phone as his father left him to talk to his older brother.

"Yama-san?" TK asked softly wiping his eyes again.

"TK, what's going on?" Matt asked frantically into the phone.

"I-I can't tell you." TK mumbled. He heard Matt sigh on the other end. _I'm so sorry Matt, but I can't tell you. I can't worry you. And if I told you, you'd hate me._

"Takeru-chan, please!" Matt begged TK. TK winced at how desperate and worried Matt sounded. _He'd hate me if I told him._

"I can't Matt." TK told him tears falling down his face.

"Then I'm coming over there." Matt told him firmly. TK's eyes went wide. _That would put Matt in danger if he came while Matt was there._

"No!" TK exclaimed without even thinking. _Shit now he'll be suspicious._

"Why not?"

"I mean no I don't want to be a bother." TK quickly covered. Matt sighed.

"I'm still coming over."

"Wai-" TK argued but was cut off by Matt hanging up. TK felt tears form in his eyes as his dad walked back in. "Here." TK said handing him the phone. Hiroaki took the phone and pulled TK into his arms.

"Matt'll be here soon, I gotta go okay?" TK nodded and returned the hug. Hiroaki pulled away and opened the door. Matt sighed and walked in as his father left.

"Takeru-chan?" Matt called in. TK darted out and attacked Matt in a hug. Matt was taken slightly aback. "Hey Keru." TK didn't respond. Matt noted TK tears and put his hands on the younger boy's shoulders. TK looked up at him with watery eyes. "Hey come on you don't need to cry, you have nothing to cry about."

In an instant TK fell to his knees and burst out crying. "TK!" Matt exclaimed dropping down in front of TK. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything." Matt murmured as TK clung to him again. "Come on, let's get you some food and then go to bed." TK nodded. "Let me run out and get something, okay?"

"S-sure." TK stuttered as Matt hugged him one last time. The moment Matt left TK felt fearful. _What if he comes back?_ The front door opened. TK flinched when he felt two hands grab his shoulders.

"Ready?" He heard him whisper in his ear. TK didn't do anything. The man growled in annoyance. "I don't care then, let's get to it."

Matt sighed as he walked up the stairs. _He means the world to me and I can't figure out what's bothering him. What kind of big brother am I?_ Matt sighed again and pushed open the door. TK was sitting in the couch humming softly. Matt smiled plopped down next to him and handed him the food. TK stared blankly at the food. Matt felt concerned as he put a hand on TK's forehead. "I think you have a fever, go to bed okay?" TK nodded and walked off.

_He's limping._ Matt thought watching TK attempt to hide the limp.

TK curled up into a tight ball in his bed and clutched his stomach. _God it hurts._ _I feel so dirty and disgusting._ TK curled up tighter as tears escaped his eyes. "Takeru-chan?" TK started crying harder as Matt walked in and pulled him into his arms. "Tell me what's wrong, you're worrying me." TK shook his head.

"I can't, not yet."

"Then when, I'm scared TK?" TK buried his face in Matt's chest. Matt sighed and held him closer. _I'll do whatever it takes to protect you TK, I promise._ Matt rocked TK back and forth until he fell asleep in his arms. Matt carefully set him down and covered him with the blankets. Matt placed a soft kiss on his forehead before leaving the room.

The next morning was calmer than the night before. TK woke up finally over his tears and ready to attempt to face the new day. Well without resorting to his blade or worse. He shook his head to expel those thoughts. Matt smiled when TK entered the kitchen. His hair was a mess and he was dragging his feet but it was adorable. "Did you sleep alright?" Matt asked setting two plates of food on the table. TK nodded and rubbed his eyes. "I made everything you like, that okay?" Matt asked softly.

TK looked up at him a blinked. His eyebrows inched a little closer together. "But most of what I like you don't." TK looked and sounded confused. Matt smiled.

"That's okay, I figured you'd be hungry since you went to bed without eating." Matt told him softly. TK still looked skeptical but he quietly picked up his chopsticks and began eating. Matt watched him intently, making sure he ate enough. Matt smiled when TK finished eating. _Good he hasn't been eating much._ "Go get dressed I'll take care of the dishes." TK nodded and slowly stood up, swaying only a little. Matt noticed it but decided not to comment on it. _He's fine. _Matt attempted to reassure himself but he knew TK was far from okay.

TK chose a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of olive cargo pants. He quickly stripped and pulled his clothes on. _I don't want to know how Matt would react if he saw them. I'd never be allowed anywhere alone again!_ TK let out a sigh and headed for the door. He reached from the knob but suddenly hesitated. _I need to do it now, but Matt will get worried if I take any longer._ TK bit his lip and decided that he needed his blade more than he needed his big brother. He headed swiftly back into his room and sat on his bed.

His hand slid mechanically under his mattress as he grabbed his blade. It was a knife from his mother's old knife set she got rid of. Well some of them. She kept some but TK managed to get this one without her knowing. He pressed the cold blade against his skin. He made one shallow cut, but that wasn't enough. He made five or six more down his arm before grabbing a black towel off his floor and cleaning the blade. He quickly wrapped them and finally headed out.

"You okay Teeks?" Matt asked as he entered the kitchen again. Matt looked concerned. TK gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah I'm fine." Matt raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth but whatever he was going to say was cut off by the door slamming open. Matt instinctively grabbed TK's arm and pulled him back.

TK ignored the pain that shot through his wrist as Matt grabbed his arm. A new blonde entered the kitchen. She had brown eyes and curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. Matt let out a quiet sigh of relief and let go of TK's arm that he wanted to cradle against his chest but that would concern both Matt and Mikaiah. Matt seemed to sense TK's pain either way and put a hand on his shoulder. "Takeru-chan are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Mikaiah just watch the scene in annoyance possibly. It was kinda hard to tell. Matt removed his hand from TK's shoulder and let out a defeated sigh. TK looked up at him his eyes filled with childish innocence. Matt smiled softly before glancing at the clock.

"Shit, sorry I gotta go to band practice!" Matt gave TK a brief hug and planted a kiss on his forehead before rushing out. Mikaiah and TK stood in an awkward silence that neither knew how to break.

"You haven't been smiling as much, I remember when I first met you I was thinking that you'd never stop smiling, and now here you are barely able to conjure the smallest smile. What's happened to you, were all worried about you?" Mikaiah was careful about her choice in words. It was obvious that TK was emotionally unstable.

"I can't tell you." TK mumbled. Mikaiah wanted to force the answer out of him but restrained herself, somehow. "I'm going to take a shower." TK muttered mostly to himself but Mikaiah acknowledge it with a nod.

_It doesn't matter how many times I shower, I still feel dirty. _The water had turned cold along time ago, but he couldn't get out until he was clean. He didn't want to get anyone else dirty. Matt didn't need to be dirty. Matt was clean as they came, he didn't deserve his filth. TK wiped away his tears before turning the water off and grabbing a towel. It seemed ironic after he was thinking about being dirty that he was using a white towel. Nothing but water came off on the towel but he knew he was still filthy. No amount of showers he could take would change that. No wonder Matt left. He wanted nothing to do with him. He was disgusting.

"TK, I'm home!" He heard Matt shout from behind the bathroom door. He froze and his breath caught in his throat. Matt was home. But wasn't he angry? Angry that TK had made him dirty? "TK?" He heard concern in his big brother's voice. Why is he concerned? TK had dirtied him just by the mere act of touching him. "Takeru?" His voice raised a little.

"Niisan, I'm fine." TK sighed. Her heard a sigh of relief on the other side of the door. He pulled on his shirt and headed out of the bathroom. Matt looked up at him and smiled softly. He got up and hugged him. He wanted to scream for Matt not to hug him. That he was dirty and not the innocent little boy Matt thought he was. But he could just imagine Matt's disgusted look. He would leave him all alone. He needed his niisan more than anyone, so he wouldn't tell him.

"When's mom due back?" Matt asked him softly. TK shrugged. Matt gave him a look of concern. TK looked down. He couldn't stand Matt's concerned looks anymore. He knew that he wouldn't get those looks anymore is Matt knew. Matt wouldn't comfort him when he had bad dreams. He wouldn't protect him anymore. Who wanted to protect someone who's dirty and worthless? "Let's go for a walk." Matt sighed tugging lightly on TK's sleeve to get his attention.

TK looked up at him and blinked. Matt raised an eyebrow and threw him a jacket. TK caught it and gave Matt a look. Matt ignored it and motioned for him to sit on the couch. TK did so without saying a word. Matt wandered off and came back with TK's shoes. Matt got down in front of him and out his shoes on him. "I'm worried TK, you know that?" TK nodded. "What's wrong with you, why won't you tell me? You know you can tell me anything, right?" TK looked into Matt's desperately concerned eyes. TK bit his lip and looked anywhere but Matt's eyes.

Matt sighed and picked TK up. TK squealed at the sudden motion. Matt giggled a little and headed for the door. "Were going over to dad's got it?" Matt asked setting him down softly. TK nodded and Matt grabbed his hand. TK resisted the urge to roll his eyes and tell Matt he wasn't a kid. But Matt wouldn't listen. He never did. And now he was cherishing Matt's protective nature while it lasted. "Will you tell dad what's wrong?"

TK shook his head. He didn't want his own father to hate him because of what that sick man did to him. Matt stopped at a store. "I'll be right back I gotta go get something before we go over to dads." TK nodded. He sat down on the ground in front of the store. He heard footsteps and he flinched a bit when the source of his pain standing above him.

"If you tell him, I'll kill him." The man whispered in his ears before stalking off. Matt came back out and watch the man walk off before going back over to his baby brother with a false smile on his face.

"I'm back." Matt smiled and TK threw his arms around Matt's waist. Matt was confused for a moment but hugged TK back with a smile on his face. "I was gone for five minutes TK, not five days." Matt chuckled. TK let go and blushed a little. Matt grinned and grabbed TK's hand again. TK looked up at Matt with wide eyes. Matt smiled and ruffled his hair.

TK grumbled something a fixed his hair before grabbing Matt's hand again. "Is dad home?" TK asked softly. Matt softly squeezed his hand and shook his head.

"Everything will be fine TK, I promise." But of course TK knew he was lying. Things couldn't be alright, and TK knew it.


End file.
